My parents had to put our dog down on Tuesday. I can't even grasp the fact that she won't be there each time I come home, to greet me, to lick my hand, to walk with me around the block. She was in our lives for 15 years, and absolutely the best companion anyone could wish to have. It seemed as though she always knew what we were talking about, and even could somehow understand time in baseball innings. :) I would have done anything for her, and given anything for her. When I went home to visit, I would lay on her bed with her for hours just petting and cuddling her. We would go for walks, and even when she was old, she ALWAYS tried for me. Always tried to eat, let me feed her out of my hand, and wagged her tail, even though it hurt.
Perhaps the worst part of the night was when my Dad had to tell me. They are visiting right now, and wanted to tell me in person instead of last night over the phone. I have never seen my father cry before, ever. I'm sure he cried when his mother died, but I have never seen it. He is my pillar of strength, and he broke down and sobbed when telling me. I knew I couldn't shed a single tear and it was my turn to be strong for him and my stepmom. Right before he told me, when he started crying, I instantly feared that he was going to tell me that he was dying, and for a few moments I was actually relieved. But, once it sank in, I was stunned. Shocked and very sad.
She hadn't been able to smell, and hadn't eaten anything in two days, or had any water. She had alzehimers, and almost complete liver failure. She didn't wanted to be walked anymore, her ABSOLUTE favorite thing in the world, and could barely actually walk. She had once been the first to give kisses, and even would give them on command, just one small lick to let you know she understood...but hadn't given my Dad a kiss in months. She was his little girl and the absolute joy of his life. As they gave her a muscle relaxant, before the euthanasia took over, she laid her little head up against his arm, and gave him a small kiss on his hand, as she had done years before, just to say that she'd be ok. As he said, she hadn't done that in 8 months, but that was the last thing she did.
I can't imagine the house without her. I cry every time I think about her, and what I would have given to have hugged her one last time. Rest in Peace Happy Starr. I will see you in heaven.
1 comment:
Oh Jen, it is the hardest thing to lose a loved one. I remember when our childhood dog Muffin died. Kristen just held her and cried as she took her last breaths. It is so incredibly sad. I believe you will see your Happy Starr in Heaven. And what a joyful occasion that will be!
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